The Daily Distraction: Single Valerie

Mike and I have been together for almost a decade. I told him that the other day and he made me sit there while he did the math because he just couldn't believe it. A decade is a long time. Are we old enough to have been with the same person for ten years? Apparently, yeesh.

All that to say, I haven't been single in a long time. I barely remember that Valerie. Mike has traveled more than normal this year, but the last two times were during the week and I had to work all day and then rush home to the dogs, get dinner ready, and pretty much go right to bed, so I didn't really have time to feel bored or alone. This time, Mike left Wednesday night and I worked from home Thursday and Friday and then have been home alone with the pups all weekend.

Single Valerie has reemerged. And she is lazy. And has a horrible diet. And watches trash tv. And spends money when she's bored. And drinks a lot.

She also doesn't know where the pepper, step stool, or simple syrup is kept. And can't reach the ceiling fan to turn it on when it gets hot in the apartment.

She also gets very nervous when she has to drive.

SO, it's a good thing Mike put a ring on it, because single Valerie is kind of a mess.

Here is a list of things single Valerie did this weekend; the good and the bad:

Made two Blue Apron meals. Ate one all by herself in one sitting and was sick and bloated and miserable all night.
Drank two bottles of wine.
Cleaned up dog vomit with a vacuum cleaner.
Spilled vodka all over the kitchen.
Went on a three hour walk through the Beaver Creek Trail, to Kohl's, to lunch at NY Bagel Cafe, and then back through the trail (exercise that includes shopping and bagels is my kind of exercise).
Ate massive amounts of Panda Express for lunch.
Spent too much money on thongs at Target.
Hung out on the patio with the dogs.
Watched four seasons (so far) of Real Housewives of NY.
Ate cheese, gerkins, turkey, and an apple for dinner.
Ate a grilled cheese sandwich and scrambled eggs for dinner.
Realized her life revolves around fattening food.
Bought Mike the cutest gift at Kohl's that he is super excited about.
Took fourteen thousand instagrams and snapchats of the dogs.
Slept in until 6:30 every day (score!).
Went to bed by 9:00 every night (old lady!).
Took a bubble bath and realized about five minutes in that bubble baths are super boring.
Wore, count it, four different pairs of leggings.
Ate so much candy, she currently has a stomachache.