Fussy Thoughts

Let's get real.

(Or not, I probably shouldn't publish this.)

The last two years have been really hard.

I was walking through union station to catch my train home yesterday thinking, "Man I feel sad right now. Just fussy, awful sad." And I realized that if someone asked me what was wrong I wouldn't have an answer. It wasn't a bad day at work, nothing exceedingly shitty happened. I'm just sad, worn down, fussy.

Moving is always hard. Moving cross the country is extra hard. Being unemployed is depressing. Getting a new job is nerve wracking. Trying to get pregnant and not succeeding is frustrating. Worrying about money is, well, worrying. Getting lied to by an employer and then laid off unexpectedly is hurtful. Being unemployed again is double depressing and embarrassing. Getting a new job, in a new city is scary. Starting an over 2 hour commute each way is exhausting. Moving to a new city is intimidating. Moving in with a parent is humbling and comes with it's own set of issues. Not knowing what your future holds - what is going to happen with this job when the new computer program rolls out that is going to replace 90% of my tasking, where are we going to live, should we try again to have a baby - is terrifying.

All this and whatever the hell else has happened in the last two years.

I am so aware that so much worse things happen in the world and I try not to put on my poor me hat, but some days I just feel overwhelmed and plain sad.

Is this just how big crazy changes feel or did I royally eff up our lives moving us here?

Why do my jobs always come with so many complications and personal stress? Is it the kind I choose, is it just all jobs are like this, or is it me?

When is it going to stop being hard?

These are the thoughts swirling around my head on a daily basis and it's not fun and I would like them to go away. And sometimes they do, days are good, things makes me happy, I'm lucky in many ways. But you know, I would like them gone for good.

I stopped writing this post on my phone when Mike boarded the train and we talked for a while about all this and other things. He drove us to a local bbq place when we got into town and we skipped our normal healthy dinner and working out for the night; gorging ourselves on delicious bbq and beers. And then, later, he pulled me close while we were cleaning up after dinner, gave me a giant hug, and said something sweet that made all the bad stuff go away for a while.

And in 25 days I get to have sugar again...that will definitely help.

If Sugar is Like Cocaine, Then I'm Going Through Withdrawals

Today, Mike and I are on the 4th day of not eating foods with added sugar in them. Let me just point out that we are not on a sugar "detox" where you can't eat any natural sugar like fruit and crap. Any diet that doesn't allow you fruit and/or veggies is ridiculous, not sustainable, and just plain stupid (steps off soap box). Mike and I (particularly Mike) just eat too much damn sugar. Mike, for instance, in a typical day would have two little scones with breakfast, 5 cookies at lunch, and 'smores after dinner. That's like three desserts a day. I was having a handful of gummie bears at work and then cookies after dinner. For someone who is officially at that age where it's harder to lose weight and who, within the last year and a half, has put on at least 10 pounds onto her small 5'2 frame, candy and cookies every day just weren't okay.

So we're off sugar for 30 days to see how we feel and how sustainable this is. My main goal at the end of this is to feel better and for us to no longer have daily desserts. Maybe on the weekend when we go grocery shopping we pick us each up a cupcake and have it that night? And it's like a special thing instead of an every day thing. That's the hope.

Side note: I blame Dax Shephard on the You Made It Weird Podcast for talking about going off sugar and how great he feels for getting this idea in my head. Stupid Dax. Now I have to hate Parenthood until I can eat candy again.

But yeah, it sucks right now. So here are my random thoughts as they come during this cranky time:

 - I miss peanut butter most of all. Sure, I would love a candy bar right now, but I really really miss peanut butter. Stupid added sugar sonsofbitches.

 - I also realllly miss soy lattes. Mike actually bought himself one the second day, realized that Starbucks uses vanilla soy that has added sugar, and threw it away. Oh the fortitude!

 - Working in on office where one of my jobs is to keep the conference room stocked with snacks and candies is not fun right now. I just had to open up a bag of Hershey's mini chocolate bars and it smelled so good, I almost cried.

 - The only granola with no added sugar in it is DISGUSTING.

 - Greek yogurt and disgusting granola for breakfast is not fun.

 - Grapes are basically candy.

 - Beer helps.

 - Sugar is in EVERYTHING.

Dammit.

Blogtober - 10 Things I'm Thankful For

Another catch up post for Blogtober. I've actually been putting this one off because I was having a hard time doing it. It's been a really long last couple of months and I'm just really mentally tired and stressed, so finding things that I'm thankful for was difficult for me. Which is stupid because my life is pretty great, but that's how it is sometimes, I guess. Also, I posted about this recently here.

So here are some things I'm thankful for in no particular order and not including the obvious stuff like my family and husband and junk.

1)  The fact that our car issue ended up being under warranty. Having our car break down on moving day and having to leave it behind in Maryland while we moved to Virginia was super stressful. So much so that we didn't even really allow ourselves to freak out about how much it might cost us. Turns out, it was completely free and our local Hyundai dealer was pretty damn quick and amazing. Thank G.

2)  Hulu Plus. With the commute taking up so much of our days when we were still in Maryland and then moving to a house with no cable, Hulu Plus has been the only way I get to watch my shows. It's the final season of Parenthood, I need to see what happens! (I'm so lame)

3)  A shorter commute. I'm still not super sold on having moved us to a place that we have to pay $350 a month and add over an hour to our day just to get to work (whoops), but our new commute is about an hour shorter each way than our last one which means an extra hour of sleep every night, so I'm pretty thankful for that.

4)  Free food from my employer. Don't know what to have for dinner tonight? Head on over to your local (not gonna say the name because I curse on this here blog, duh) and have a tasty free meal. I'll take it! Free food tastes better, everyone knows that.

5)  The internet. Okay, this is a dumb one, but how did we move, get the uhaul, and get our address changed on everything before we had the internet?

6)  The fact that there are like 14 Starbucks in the neighborhood where I work. On one hand, that's kinnnnd of sad, but it's very handy for me when I need a caffeine boost.

7)  That we just found this restaurant in the local mall that we're going to later today (I'm finally sucking it up and getting some new damn jeans). There wasn't any Mediterranean places where we just moved form so we are super excited to try this fast food version out. Shawarma!! Also a mall near us, what?!

8)  That I don't have to drive any more. I really hate driving, you guys. We commute to work and we go grocery shopping together so I can't think of a need for me to drive anywhere any time soon. Does that make me sound like an old lady?

9)  My cute buy one get on half off Target dresses. I got this one and this one. I can't wait to wear the jean one with brown boots and a plaid scarf and I officially want the sweater one in every color.

10)  These guys, of course.

Blogtober - Advice for New Bloggers

I'm super behind on my Blogtober posts...is anyone surprised?

So let's catch up by starting with the prompt for the 13th which was 5 Blogging Tips You Would Give a New Blogger. 

Here are mine:

1)  Don't take it all too seriously. It's just a blog after all. Just have fun with it. Don't enter into blogging wanting to become a big time blogger because that shows. Some newbies just reak of desperation, trying to become well-known and big. Just be yourself, be authentic, and have fun. If you become big time, that's great, but it shouldn't be your reason to blog.

2)  If you're a fashion blogger, don't do too many pictures of the same outfit. It's just tedious. I would say 5 max.

3)  Don't engage with GOMI. Just don't do it. Ignore ignore ignore.

4)  Don't talk about your employer by name. This makes me so super uncomfortable when people do this. I have actually had to talk to coworkers before at prior jobs and ask them to scrub the business' name from their tumblr. You don't want to be that guy, trust me.

5)  Don't act like an expert on random things. Not everyone is going to have a blog that is a specific niche, like beauty blog, fashion blog, cooking blog, etc. Us lifestyle bloggers don't have to try to become experts in things, that drives me nuts. It's okay to just be a general lifestyle blogger, you don't have to make a ton of lists trying to educate us on random things just to create content.

Did this post make me sound like a blogging bitch?

Too bad!

Another Move

This weekend we finished yet another move. You'd think after moving across the country with all our possessions, not much time to plan, and two small dogs with us, that any other move wouldn't be that big of deal, but moving in general just plain sucks, you know?!

This one wasn't just a regular crappy move, it was a giant kick in the junk.

I'm kind of worried that all the drama was the universe's way of telling us not to leave Southern Maryland, but we ignored it, so please no more junk kicks universe, okay?

Saturday started off with rain. Moving in the rain was not something we were looking forward to. I don't really want to put a soggy couch into storage. We went off to run some errands and try to run out the clock on the rain. On our last stop, our car died. Just dead, not the battery, but something else that the tow guys couldn't figure out.

We ended up leaving poor Sonny in Maryland at the dealer and drove to Virginia without her. Which is stressful and weird, but had to be done.

With all the car shenanigans, we didn't end up getting home until 2, the time we had planned to leave town. At this point, we hadn't even loaded the truck yet, but my crazy husband still insisted on cleaning our chairs and couch with the upholstery cleaner. Which is great on one hand, but also frustrating when you're running late.

We got everything loaded and headed out on the road with our pups, our truck, and our now empty vehicle transport thingie. We finally got to Virginia around 9pm and hit up Five Guys for a super late and much needed dinner.

The pups thought they should get their own order of fries.

We showed up to the house ready to chow down and then collapse and realized that my dad had stored the mattress we were planning to sleep on because he assumed we'd be showing up a lot earlier and unloading our truck. So we spent our first night in the house with me sleeping on a futon on the living room floor and Mike on the couch. It was a crotch kick of a day, I tells ya.

Mike headed off early the next morning to the storage unit to unload most of our things and I hung out at the house with the pups. Around 7:30, I walked out to the sunroom to let the dogs out and ended up locking myself out of the house. So now I'm standing in the sunroom in grubby clothes and a pair of my dad's socks (I washed them dad, don't worry) and I have to figure out how to get back in the house. I run down to the basement door, locked. I ran around to the front of the house, through the soaking wet grass, in my socks and all black work out gear, to check the front door, locked. Thankfully no neighbors saw me and thought I was trying to break in.

So I spent the next almost 2 hours sitting in the sun room with the pups, reading my book on my phone until my battery started to die. Which isn't like an awful way to spend 2 hours, but I had to pee and was freezing, and it's not really fun to be locked in a cage no matter how pretty it is.

Gizmo just napped the hours away

Tuffy was not pleased about it.

Mike finally came home and let me out and we set about unloading the truck which turned out better than anticipated because we didn't break anything of my stepmom's in the process.

Mike left for Mrayland to finished cleaning the apartment and checking out with the manager and I stayed behind to unload all our possessions and get everything nice and clean before my dad and step-mom showed up. 

Isn't unpacking always so overwhelming? You just stand in your new living room and stare at the sea of boxes and think, "How the hell am I ever going to get this organized and where the hell do I start?!"

I also realized quite late to the game that I was now at this house, with no food in it because my dad and step-mom had been away in Italy for a couple weeks, with no car. Whoops. So I did the smart thing and ordered enough Chinese food to feed me for two lunches and one dinner. I just ate my second lunch, btw, and I kind of want to die. Worth it!

And no, I did not "stage" this photo like a good blogger would

I actually ended up getting everything pretty much done except for the food items that I can't figure out where the hell we're going to put them and the fact that my shoes are literally hurled into my temporary closet in a big, beautiful pile. It was a long g-damn day and I'm pretty excited about how many steps I did considering I didn't leave the house.

Is there any easier way to out yourself as a fat person than by showing your step count on Fitbit? Nope.

Now, I'm working from home and waiting for Mike to come back so we can finish unpacking before my dad and step-mom come home and hope that they don't notice the things of theirs I have already moved.

And just think, we're doing this all again in 6 months.

Dammit.

Blogtober - Fall Recipes

Today's blog prompt is an easy one, we need to share our favorite fall recipes.

Both of my favorites are Julia Child's recipes and they're both delicious soups. Honestly, one of the reasons I most look forward to the weather cooling down is so I have an excuse to eat more soups. They just make me so happy. The smells coming off of the stove top for hours, the warmth that spreads through your belly when you eat them. The excuse to eat carbs so you have something to dip in them. Love it.

The first of my favorites is Julia's French Onion Soup which I wrote about here.

It is not good for you at all, but it's delicious and smells amazing and just oh man. 

The second is Julia's Mediterranean Tomato and Rice Soup which, if all my cookbooks weren't packed up I would type up for you, but since they are, here is another blogger's post about it.

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This soup is super simple, but we just love it. It's homey and tasty and kind of thick depending on how much rice you put into it. So damn good.

What are your favorite Fall recipes?

Blogtober - Advice to Your Younger Self

Yesterday's blog prompt was, "What is one piece of advice you would give your younger self" and I put off writing it because honestly, I really hate talking about that. I actually wrote about it back in 2010 (have I seriously been blogging that long?!) here. 

I hate talking about it because I look back and think about that stuff far too often. I live my life with an extra shadow following me; that of my regrets. It's not that I've done THAT many bad or stupid things. I'm not living on the streets or broke or addicted to crack or anything, obviously I haven't effed my life up that badly. But I feel constantly followed around by my past actions and my regrets about them. I'm the type of person who just does not let things go and I wish I did. Specifically things that I've done; I don't even dwell that much on things that have been done to me, just things I did.

I can remember vividly something embarrassing I did back in 2008 which was not even a big deal at all. It was maybe a 10 second mistake on a flight I was working that none of the other flight attendants working with me would ever remember and it still bothers me to this day when I think about it. It's not healthy, I'm aware, but it's the way I've always been. The episode of Felicity where she ends up getting to go back in time and try to do things differently, oh man, that is my god damn dream.

So all that to say why I don't like writing posts talking about advising my younger self. But here goes anyways.

First, work out. As soon as it's healthy (like not when you're 7 years old or something) start running and taking care of yourself. It will make your future life so much easier.

Second, you're awesome. Stop beating yourself up all the damn time. Confidence is attractive and will make up for your lack of other crap. Just be funny, be you, and stop crying yourself to sleep all the damn time. (My advice is not sweet, apparently)

Don't sleep with that guy, or that other one, or especially not THAT one.

Finish college the first time around, you idiot.

Someone will fall in love with you and marry you, stop stressing about it and make out with more dudes before that happens.

Don't drink sugary drinks. You will barf a lot less if you don't.

Go ahead and date those emotionally unavailable guys if you want, just be a lot more honest with yourself and with them and you'll get hurt quite a bit less.

If you stopped wearing a mask and hiding your true self from people, you would have a lot deeper friendships.

And just, get over it already and be happy!

This blog post was depressing. Here is a photo of my dogs to cheer you up.

Good Touristy Times

Mike and I effing love DC. Have I not mentioned this 8 million times? So, any excuse to do touristy stuff around the city is good for us.

Some great friends back from our Chico days, L & A, visited last weekend and we ate our faces off, drank our faces off, laughed our faces off, and walked our faces off.

Here are a bunch of pictures (this is what happens when you're friends with a blogger guys, sorry).

(I'm pretty sure this is in the totally wrong order)

First, we stopped at District of Pi for lunch (beers and beers and pizza).

We actually got to do two things this trip that we'd never done before. The first was Ford Theater (no joke I just had to google the name of this place, worst American ever over here). A fell asleep because they red eyed it over to us and the ranger had the most monotone voice ever, but it was actually pretty cool.

Then we did the Natural History Museum and very maturely giggled about penises.

Then drinks at Round Robin Bar.

And a quick walk through the Botanic Gardens, mostly just to take super attractive photos.

Then drinks at Proof.

And ending with dinner at Churchkey (holy good charcuterie plate and beers) where A got super sick (not because of the food or anything) so we literally shoved him in a cab and finished eating and drinking without him. Best friends ever.

And bed!

The next day started the way I wish every day started forever and always: with breakfast at Founding Farmers.

Then...monuments! We love the monuments. Like too much. L kind of hated us by the end of the monument walk. Commence pictures of monuments!

Then we did the second thing we'd never done before, a tour of the Capitol. Mayyybe I did this with my senior class on our trip, but I don't remember it so it doesn't count. I was kind of not super amped to do this because I generally hate tours, but this one was really good (albeit long) and the Capitol is just dang beautiful on the inside.

After that, we headed home to get the pups and relax.

The next couple of days actually turned out to be a pretty great goodbye tour of Southern Maryland.

We did dinner at The Front Porch.

Then the next day, we ran some errands and had Ruddy Duck for lunch where A greatly enjoyed his beer sampler.

We planned to walk on the boardwalk in Solomons and go shopping, but the Nascar of boats was going on, so that definitely did not happen. Instead, we went wine tasting which was kind of a mess because there was a wedding at Slack, but we still got to taste and buy some great wine even though it was rushed and kiiiind of awkward. (The bride looked beautiful though)

Wine and beer tasting at Running Hare outside in the sun made me actually pretty sad to leave our area. We should have done this more often!

Then Ledo's Pizza for dinner while watching the new X-men which is basically a perfect night.

The next day, we did lunch at Blue Wind Gourmet and drove to Keepin' It Local for some shopping and to get L & A some whoopie pies to take home with them because you can't visit Southern Maryland and not get a whoopie pie.

We all felt like ice cream so we drove to Leonardtown and stopped at Big Larry's Comic Book Cafe because they have ice cream and nerdy stuff, so basically L & A's dream come true.

Then we drove them down to Leonardtown Wharf so L could see the gorgeous views and A could read all the nerdy history signs while we all ate our ice cream.

We went home and nursed our stuffed bellies with beer (good plan?) and headed out later for a g-damn delicious dinner at Cafe Des Artistes.

The last day, I headed off to work while they went back into DC to do the Air & Space Museum, the Modern Art Museum, lunch at Elephant & Castle (where L drank a Pimm's for me, thank you ma'am), and then Mike dropped them at their hotel for their early morning flight and he headed home to me.

And was over an hour late picking me up because of traffic.

So I walked from my bus stop to Outback and ate a salad in the bar while I read my book like some sad weirdo.

The end!

Fall Bucket List

Happy October!

I cannot believe it's October already. It is for reals blowing my mind. Where did this year go?

Anyways, this October the lovely DC Ladies are doing a Blogtober again which I love because, hello, free blog ideas. Today's post is our Fall Bucket List.

Here's mine!

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Get to know our new area. Mike and I are moving to Northern Virginia this weekend, so I definitely hope to spend a good part of this fall getting to know our new area and enjoying being closer to bigger/new cities. AKA eating at new restaurants. Wahoo!

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Go on some hikes. We're going to live really close to a great park, so I need to bust out my winter running tights and get some cardio in, for sure.

Cute look, pants required.

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Get some good pants. This is a dumb one, but seriously, I need some good pants now that I work in a casual environment AND it's getting cold. This Fall will not be great if I don't find some good fitting jeans. (Or lose weight and fit into my old jeans cough cough)

Not drink anything with pumpkin spiced in the title. (snarky goal)

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Go wine tasting in Northern VA. This might not seem like the ideal time to go wine tasting, but there's something I love about bundling up and heading out to beautiful wineries in the colder months. We've never done a VA wine tasting trip and I just picture us sipping tasty wine in front of a fireplace or something. 

What is your Fall bucket list?