On Fear

I realized last night when I was laying in bed too stressed out over a decision I have to make to sleep, that I make a lot of my life decisions based on fear.

I never embraced life/school in San Luis because I was scared of getting out of my sheltered bubble and trying anything new.

I dropped out of college 3 classes to graduation when I had already been accepted to grad school because I was afraid of making a decision about my future.

I quit being a flight attendant and moved home because I was afraid to grow up and make a responsible life there.

I almost purposefully ruined by relationship because I was scared of getting married.

I quit jobs, gave up on opportunities, walked away from people, made wrong decisions out of fear countless times in my life.

Basically, I'm a big ole' chicken.

And now I have this great job opportunity and I have almost turned it down a million times out of fear.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of  failing.

Fear of travelling to the city by myself.

Fear of giving up on the easy dream of staying in this small town, buying a big house, and having kids.

Fear of not making enough money.

Just big ole' chickeny fear.

But I'm trying to squash it.

I'm going back Monday to fill out the paperwork to start the job.

And we'll see if I duck and run at that moment from fear.

But hopefully not.

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