A Letter to 17 Year Old Me

Dear Valerie,

I am having a horrible day today and quite a bit of it is your fault. Here are some simple things that you can do to make my life less miserable:

1) Don't slack off your senior year of high school and eff up your grades just because your parents are getting separated.
2) Don't only apply to three colleges, all of which are in California.
3) Don't choose a random major right away. Instead, take GE's for your first year and THINK about what you actually want to do so you can perhaps have a career one day.
4) Don't reject going to a great college because your sister went there.
5) Don't do a long distance relationship with your first boyfriend making you miss any fun you could have had your freshman year in college.
6) Don't transfer schools for a boy who you know deep down you don't really love.
7) Don't get shit-faced drunk at a frat party because you are upset over a break-up that you know was for the best anyway.
8) Don't jump around jobs just because you keep getting offered different ones and you think it's a good thing. It's not. People later on in life will NOT hire you because your resume is so sporadic.
9) Don't stop going to classes because you are depressed and school gives you anxiety. Just suck it up and finish your classes. You are too smart to have F's on your transcripts.
10) Don't fall for mean boys who lie to you. They don't change. Ever.
11) Don't drop out of school 3 classes until graduation after you've already been accepted to grad school so you can move across the country. I don't care if it's a job that you've always wanted. I don't care if you're scared of graduating. I don't care if you've just had a messy breakup. DON'T DO IT.
12) Don't quit that job six months in because you are lonely and a chicken and out of money. You did this to yourself, suck it up and make it work.
13) Don't move for ANOTHER boy, get accepted to a good college, not go and instead go to school online and get a pointless degree.
14) Don't, under any circumstances, move back to Ridgecrest.

Follow these 14 simple hints and you will be a much better and happier person, I guarantee it.

Sincerely,

Valerie

P.S. You suck.